Monday, March 14, 2011


In his efforts to dominate all media, the rock star Vatican assassin has thrown his hat in the Monkeytail ring and he's doing exactly what we expected: WINNING! He was the first to a million Twitter followers in 24 hours, the first to build his own rocket ship to Cassiopeia using only mind tools, and have you seen his new cooking show? Winning.

Now, this violent torpedo of truth wants to show the galaxy what a real Monkeytail looks like and we applaud his unprecedented behavior 100%. If there’s one person who can make it socially acceptable to wear a Monkeytail in public, it's the Machine. When asked to comment, Sheen told, “When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, the only thing that could make you more powerful is the Monkeytail.”

We do know that if Sheen rocked a Monkeytail in the ‘93 box office smash, Beyond the Law, he would’ve infiltrated and dismantled the arms-dealing biker gang in 20 minutes. However, 20 minute blockbusters don't fair well in ticket sales and the Monkeytail wasn’t known to man in the early 90’s.

It was probably some Hollywood big business decision to make it a full beard so the movie would last a little longer. We do support the decision for the mullet, though. A Monkeytail-mullet combo would have been the most badass thing since John Rambo's headband.


WRONG! It would be the most badass thing, ever! Winning.