Thursday, March 31, 2011

Breaking News: ¡Viva la Revolución!


Tripoli (TMT.COM) - Libyan protestors are using seemingly mundane websites to coordinate the unrest. To avoid government interference, protestors are setting up fake profiles on dating sites to communicate- not for love, but for liberty. This morning we began trafficking visitors from certain parts of North Africa and the Middle East. Is TheMonkeytail.com becoming the voice of the resistance? It sure looks that way. ¡Viva la Monkeytail Revolución!
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Monday, March 28, 2011

Leaving the Loo



When we started TheMonkeytail.com, we didn't realize we were making a website about men who take pictures of themselves in the bathroom...but behold, TheMonkeytail.com. It's not easy to be a trendsetter, and simply put, the world isn't ready for the Monkeytail. But we encourage the pioneer in all of us, and our friend Andrew shows us that great things do happen when you leave the shit house. The pictures below speak for themselves...





You make us proud, Andrew. Now it's your turn, reader, to share your Monkeytail with the world...
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Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Five O'Clock Shadow Tail


Our new friend Tim from Olympia, WA reveals the first ever Five O'Clock Shadow Monkeytail to the world- a true piof*ckineer. Tim just put himself one notch above the ranks of badass Hollywood hunks, such as:

 The entire male cast of Lost....


Ryan Seacrest....
                                                      

And Gweneth Paltrow....


If Tim hadn't shaved his shadow into a tail, you wouldn't even notice him among these Hollyweird heavyweights. Now the tables have turned. People...famous people, are going to look at Tim and say, "Maybe it's time I increase my stock and consider something fresh. This season of American Idol is dragging like John Holmes' 3rd leg. It's time for a Monkeytail."

Seacrest, OUT!
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Jeff


This is Jeff. Hi Jeff.

Jeff's getting ready to wrap up his undergrad at The Ohio State University this quarter, and in the fall he starts law school. Jeff told TheMonkeytail.com that he's, "a little nervous after being waitlisted at some of the more prestigious law schools in the country," but now that he's got a Monkeytail, those schools will be ashamed they ever made him wait for anything. We're excited for Jeff and wish him the best. We figure that with all the blatant copyright infringement on our website that we're going to need a good attorney. Go get 'em, Jeff!
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Monday, March 14, 2011

Winning


In his efforts to dominate all media, the rock star Vatican assassin has thrown his hat in the Monkeytail ring and he's doing exactly what we expected: WINNING! He was the first to a million Twitter followers in 24 hours, the first to build his own rocket ship to Cassiopeia using only mind tools, and have you seen his new cooking show? Winning.

Now, this violent torpedo of truth wants to show the galaxy what a real Monkeytail looks like and we applaud his unprecedented behavior 100%. If there’s one person who can make it socially acceptable to wear a Monkeytail in public, it's the Machine. When asked to comment, Sheen told TheMonkeytail.com, “When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, the only thing that could make you more powerful is the Monkeytail.”


We do know that if Sheen rocked a Monkeytail in the ‘93 box office smash, Beyond the Law, he would’ve infiltrated and dismantled the arms-dealing biker gang in 20 minutes. However, 20 minute blockbusters don't fair well in ticket sales and the Monkeytail wasn’t known to man in the early 90’s.

It was probably some Hollywood big business decision to make it a full beard so the movie would last a little longer. We do support the decision for the mullet, though. A Monkeytail-mullet combo would have been the most badass thing since John Rambo's headband.

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WRONG! It would be the most badass thing, ever! Winning.
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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Cliche Myspace Profile Pic Monkeytail


This submission is truly classic. It's like a passing of the torch of internet fads. Once upon a time, there was a website called, Myspace. It boasted the ability to keep your friends posted on your every move, stalk random girls in towns far away, and get stalked from mid to low-level bands who produce D-list music with their Apple IIe. 

It was an amazing time in history. People celebrated this revolution by posting pictures of themselves either in the mirror to show off their new hip new camera phones (above) or the aerial birds-eye to create an illusion of sexy (below).


Then along came Facebook. A big Hollywood movie was made, MySpace Tom lost all his friends, and the rest is history. Maybe we should start thinking about a Monkeytail movie. We're pretty sure M. Night Shyamalan is out of a career after The Last Crapbender generated about 50 bucks at the box office.  Perhaps he'd give us a discount?
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Friday, March 4, 2011

The Most Interesting Monkeytail in the World


You're probably thinking, "Holy F*ck! That's the most interesting Monkeytail in the world!"  And you're right, it is. However, "Most Interesting" is not an officially sanctioned award category at TheMonkeytail.com, because we feel this guy takes the cake.  Any idea who this man is?


You guessed it, he's "The Most Interesting Man in the World."


Talk about a true piof*ckineer, this man is a genius. Notice how his Monkeytail gives him the cool confidence in any situation. From casual to semi-formal to downright sexual.
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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Embroiled in Controversey (Already..)

Wow, we never saw this coming. As it stood a week ago, the WORLD group record for monkeytails held strong with 2 person group. Then came the 2011 Ithaca Chili Cookoff.

February 20, 2011, a new record may or may not have been set.

First we will present the evidence at hand, then the arguments. Here are the submissions from Schrecky (Unofficial King of The Monkeytail)....




New World Record?

THEORETICALLY, this is 4 monkeytails; beating the current record by 2.

TECHNICALLY, this is (a) 3 separate 2-person groups, (b) 3 official monkeytails and one "mini-monk" (a goatee with a handlebar lopped off), and (c) there are questions of proximity (the 3rd picture looks like it is at night and Schrecky is wearing a different shirt).

This is going to be difficult to judge. The judges at TheMonkeytail.com are reaching out to the community to settle this dispute. Please leave your comments and tell us how we need to proceed. Is this a new WORLD record or did it fall short?
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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Patrick Batemantail


"My name is Patrick Batemantail. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub. On the face, an exfoliating gel scrub before applying an herb mint facial mask to prep the skin. I sculpt my Monkeytail with a straight razor. I use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. There is an idea of a Patrick Batemantail, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only a Monkeytail."
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