Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Original Monkey House

Just when Tomtastic thought he'd never sit in a barbers chair again, Mohawk Matt came to his rescue. Bolt Barbers is a true piofuckineer of the Los Angeles barbershop scene offering "dudes aged 7 to 70 close shaves, attention grabbing beards, crispy tapers, tight fades, slick pomps, hawks, high & tights and flat tops." If you live anywhere near LA, stop in to Bolt for your next shear, shave and shine, and ask for the monkeytail special to release the social beast from within- you'll be glad you did.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Brazilian Brady Bunch

Daniel and Tchetchelo. These guys look freaking huge. We won't make any smart-ass comments, but we will happily roll with these guys if we ever decide to spend time on the Jersey Shore rocking our monkey tail beards. 

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Castro's Response

We sent a mock-up to Cuba thinking Castro would love the idea...maybe as a morale booster. He responded:

"Eso es estúpido. Chinga tu. - Fidel"

Translation:  That is just stupid.  Go fuck yourself.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Love-letter to Brian Wilson

Dear Brian,

We want you and that face so fucking bad we lose sleep at night. TomTastic has been waking up in a cold sweat dreaming of the moment his razor gently comes into contact with your face.  You know we were meant to be together.  Through your living room window, we see how sad you are, partying with 23 yr old groupies sipping Cristal from solid gold goblets in front of your 100 inch LED TV as you wade in your Olympic-sized living room pool (which we admit, we had never heard of before).  That big smile doesn't hide the tears.  You can't let everything go to voice-mail, Brian!  You know you want to pick up that call.  We know you want to pick up that call.  Do it, Brian! Do it!

Love Forever and Always (as long as you wear that beard),


Friday, June 24, 2011

Handicapable Fan!

Mike from Seattle is larger than life. Regardless of his freakish handicap, he holds his chin up high and rocks his monkeytail proudly. No longer do people stare at his huge hands in horror, and run in the other direction. So brave, Mike, so brave. Welcome to to our sick family  :^9

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


For all those haters who think we fake all the international submissions, we present indisputable evidence of our worldwide presence.  This guy has a sombrero.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Once again, a group of rockstars have put their family names in jeopardy and CRUSHED the current record of 5 Monkeytails.  Contrary to public opinion all of these men display at least average intelligence. More info here.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Threat Level Midnight

Although he doesn't look like a threat, Lucas started a rally of 1 in our nation's capital in support of the Monkeytail Revolution. Sadly he was hit in the jugular by a tranq dart and detained by Homeland Security just minutes after this photo was taken. Where do we think he is now?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Performers Academy

The Performers Academy Toast to 2011 from TPA Commish on Vimeo.

We LOVE to see anyone in the Monkeytail alliance out there just doing it! The Commish here makes Eminem look like Vanilla Ice .

Monday, June 13, 2011

Berkley's Three Way

To removal all doubt, Berkley took a picture at every angle to ensure that his roomate did in fact shave a monkey tail beard. It's either that, or this is a picture of identical triplets.

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Many Faces of the Monkeytail





Thursday, June 9, 2011

La Cola del Mono

La Cola del Mono (The Monkeytail). We can only assume this from Spain since Google Translator told us it was in Spanish. We love an almost sexual way. We can only imagine he is sensual like Antonio Banderas.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Red Tail Diaries: Dymtro

Hi there. 

I'm from Kyiv, Ukraine. Photo was made on balcony of friend after couple bottles Irish Whisky. I had beard 3 days only but was terrific feeling.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Monday, June 6, 2011


Darren's the creative type. He shines with optimism, enlightenment, and happiness. He carries with him the promise of a positive future and instills optimism and energy. At least that's what this website told us.

Friday, June 3, 2011


The Texas 5 emailed us a new world record.  Just like that, they enter the annals of history.  Albeit a very small, detested area of history.  This is from a corporate fundraiser and we were informed that 2 of the guys got laid and none of the guys lost their jobs.  And 1 of the "2" guys actually got a bonus.  We're are guessing it is Ringtail guy in blue.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

2011 Durango Fashion Awards

From our reporter in the field:

"My name is BJ. I was in Durango, CO this weekend drinking some beers at the brewery. I was sporting the monkeytail. We asked a former stranger to take a picture of the group of us. Someone she was with asked, "Is that a Monkey Tail beard?" Apparently he had heard of it in theory but thought it was kind of like a unicorn, that he'd never actually see one. Turns out, he got to see one after all. We wondered if the Monkey Tail belonged in the fashion show that we were probably did, what do you think?"

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Jacob wanted to show us his both of his Monkeytails. Gross.